Kill or be Killed (Assassin Brothers Duet Book 1) by Bry Ann

Author:Bry Ann [Ann, Bry]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-03-17T16:00:00+00:00

18

Tobias

If there was ever a moment in my life where I wondered if I really did have feelings, if it was possible for me to give a fuck about another human being, it was right there. In that room with Scarlett, watching her find out I was going to ruin her life. I used everything I knew about her against her. Her vulnerability. Her shame and, most importantly, her deep desire to be cared about. I used all of that to crush her. To crush any chance she had of believing she’d ever be okay again, because I knew I was the first person since her ex to connect with her. I’m not kidding when I say that if my hate weren’t so strong or my own damage so complete, I would have picked her up off the floor and apologized and done everything I could to make sure she was okay again. As it is, I need to do this. I vowed to always look after myself first, with maybe the exception of Anatoli, for obvious reasons. Scarlett has to be a means to an end. That’s all there is to it.

That doesn’t make it better. It doesn’t make seeing her on the ground begging me for her life feel better. It doesn’t make seeing her sobbing about letting her family’s memory see the pain she is about to endure okay. I always knew I was a monster. Anatoli taught me the basics of right from wrong, not that he was any expert, but I got the idea. I knew that the way I thought and the things I did made me cruel. I understood that.

This is the first time, however, that I’ve felt it. I feel like a monster for what I'm doing to her and I don’t know how to cope with that. Going from never caring to feeling things I can only describe as guilt consume me is a lot to take. I just want them all to fucking die now, but obviously, all good things take hard work. I have to be smart. Slow. Methodical. I have to dial into my training. As I pace across the floor of my room, something Anatoli said not too long ago comes back to me.

“Don’t let them win by being exactly who they created you to be.”

Fire swells up in my chest. Damn it, Anatoli. Damn it!

They are going to take everything from me. My childhood, my sanity, Anatoli, Scarlett. Ahhhh! I hate them.

But destroying them is like an addiction. I don’t care what I lose in its pursuit. It’s all I’ve dreamt about since I was a kid. All I’ve ever promised myself. I can’t give up on this. I just can’t. I can’t quit because one young woman came along and cried to me about her pathetic life. I'm not that Goddamn weak. I'm not.

My phone chimes in my pocket, reminding me that there is a world outside this hell I'm consumed by. I slam the phone open without even looking.

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